38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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