I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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