if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize