dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
