I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
