Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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