Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize