hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
