We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
