Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
