I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
