I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
