he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
