I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
