cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All the doctor said was why
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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