Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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