I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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