okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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