well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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