im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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