Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize