He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
