what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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