Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
