It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
