Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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