Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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