Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize