alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
