My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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