I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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