4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
