I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
