There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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