THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
