He felt like a one man threesome
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
