oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
