Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
