so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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