and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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