I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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