i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
