hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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