hotel room ftw
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
whose parrot is this?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
