There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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