When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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