I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
