Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
