I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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