Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
