The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize