who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
