her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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