i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
