Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
