a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize