i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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