and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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