Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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