When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
