is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
