If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
