if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
