i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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