i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
