Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
