i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to align my fucking chakras
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
