don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
