you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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