so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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