If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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