WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
